Why "presumably-straight"?

My friend Lisa asked in a comment on another post:

Why do you say your son is "presumably straight"?

It's a good question, one I realized I haven't explicitly answered anywhere yet. In thinking about it, it seems to come down to three things:

1. He probably is (going to be) straight. Even with a queer-identified mother (which may or may not affect the odds, and if so, doesn't very much), he has, what, a 90-99% chance of identifying as heterosexual, depending on whose numbers you believe? So, simply, I use "presumably" because it sounds better than "probably", and he probably is.


2. Although he probably is (going to be) straight, he might not be. Saying he "presumably" is straight is opening up the door to the idea that he might be something other than straight, and hopefully challenges people's assumptions. Which brings us to:


3. In our heterosexist, heteronormative society, he is presumed by the wider culture (to the point of few even being aware of the presumption) to be straight until proven otherwise. While I do my best to resist this presumption, or to counter it when we encounter it, I cannot entirely do away with it, as much as I might wish. I sometimes feel I can hardly do away with it at all. The vast majority of interactions he has with others are and will continue to be based on the presumption that he is (going to be) straight, and this assumption/presumption colors far more than we are usually aware. Whether or not it turns out to be who in fact he is (he might turn out to not be a "he" at all; I could easily add "presumably" in front of male as well), he will be seen by most in his life as a straight white male (yes, even as a toddler; even at birth!), with all the privilege and roles and stereotypes thereof; and it will affect him, subtly and profoundly; and my only hope of countering the damage those role assignments bring lies in first recognizing them.

Thus presumably-straight.